Dumped...Again...Again.

My husband wants me to move out.  Who can blame him?  I have been carrying on an affair off and on and off and on for the last 11 months.  And yes I counted every month...and yes it was actually more like 10 1/4 months.  I am scared.  I am getting what I deserve.  I miss my bf.  I miss him terribly.  I still cannot believe that he spent time with me outside of a hotel room and then decieded that he did not want me.  But it did take him half of the six hour ride back to GA to decide that.  I cant imagine life without my husband.  He has been my best friend forever.  But then why can't I stop thinking about him?